The Farmboy and the Archaeologist
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: Part of the "There Will Emerge a New Hope" Continuity. Doctor Aphra and Luke Skywalker have moments. Sometimes poignant, sometimes funny.
1. Chapter 1

_The Farmboy and the Archaeologist_

A Star Wars one-shot by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit work of fan prose. Star Wars is the property of Lucasfilm Ltd and Disney. I would ask you to support the official release, but cannot in good conscience after The Last Jedi.

* * *

"Leaving?"

Aphra cursed under her breath, and turned from the escape pod hatch. There he was. The farmboy.

"Nothing gets past you," she said dryly. Luke gave her that disappointed look she hated. It made her think about things she'd really rather not.

"You know, you could just steal a fighter from the hanger bay," Luke said with a shrug. "Lots of them around."

"Not really my style," Aphra said quickly. "Too many eyes. Too many security cameras."

"And an escape pod is preferable because...?" Luke asked. "I mean, you could just ask me to take you for a trip... You leave, or knock me out-"

"Pfft, yeah, like I'll be able to do that more than twice," Aphra snorted. Luke took a step forward, and she rested her hand on her blaster. He raised an eyebrow.

"... My uncle told me once that some people are always running, even when they're standing still," Luke ventured. "Ready to leave the moment they feel... Uncomfortable."

"Oh gee, standing in the center of a doomed Rebellion that could be blasted out of the sky any second by the Empire," Aphra sneered. "No wonder I feel uncomfortable! Surrounded by a bunch of suicidal morons!"

Luke shrugged and smiled. "Yeah, that's us. Charging into danger, heedless of the odds against us to save a friend... Sounds like someone I know."

"Don't," Aphra growled, pointing her finger at him. "Don't you dare. We are not - We did not bond. We're not alike. I am a realist. The galaxy runs based on who's strongest, and in this situation I needed you. I used you! You mean nothing to me!"

"I didn't even bring that up," Luke said, smiling that innocent farmboy smile she hated. Hated because of the feelings it inspired in her.

"I-Just in case you were getting any ideas!" Aphra growled. "I know you farmboy Jedi types! You think you can save me, right? The bad girl, saved by the shining Jedi Knight?" She stepped forward and poked him in the chest. "Well I'm not! I'm not that kind of girl! Stop being so obsessed with saving me! You can't do it, all right? So leave me alone!"

"Um..." Luke blinked. "... I didn't say any of that."

"You-You must be using some kind of Jedi mind trick on me!" Aphra babbled.

"I don't even know how to do that... Yet," Luke admitted. Aphra nodded.

"Good... Of course..."

"Look. You know what we're up against. You know what the Empire does. Just because they're strong doesn't mean they're right," Luke said. "Or that they're invincible. Strength can be relative."

Aphra shook her head.

"Right or wrong? It doesn't matter. If you want to survive, you go with the strong bantha. Not the weak, small one. No matter how cute they might be."

Why did she say 'cute'? Why why why?!

"And yet," Luke observed, "you, the weak, small archaeologist and me the weak, barely trained Jedi got out of that disaster. Against overwhelming odds."

"It's just one incident," Aphra argued, "it doesn't prove anything!"

"No, but it proves my point about strength being relative," Luke said. Aphra sighed, and leaned back against the hatch.

"Not every problem is going to have a thermal exhaust port you can hit," Aphra pointed out. Luke nodded.

"No... But it doesn't mean there isn't a way out," he said. Aphra looked aside. Luke sighed.

"... Look, why don't you at least just have some dinner first? Before you make your escape?" Luke asked. Aphra looked up at him. "I'm sure I won't be able to stop you, so there's no reason to rush things, right?"

Luke turned his back and started down the corridor. Aphra narrowed her eyes.

"I could just shoot you and run, you know," she said.

"Yeah. I know," Luke said with a nod.

"You're a tempting target, right now," Aphra continued. "Seriously tempting!"

Luke nodded again. "I'll save you some dessert, if you're interested." Aphra looked at the blaster, then at the escape pod hatch. She glared back at Luke's back.

"I really hate you, you know?" Aphra growled.

"I know," Luke said. Aphra sighed, and shoved her blaster back into her holster.

"Fine. Lead on," she grumbled, taking his arm. Luke flushed a bit, and led her off.


	2. Chapter 2

_The Farmboy and the Archaeologist_

 _A Star Wars two-shot by Andrew Joshua Talon_

 _DISCLAIMER : This is a non-profit work of fan prose. Star Wars is the property of Lucasfilm Ltd and Disney. I would ask you to support the official release, but cannot in good conscience after The Last Jedi._

* * *

Luke knew that sabotaging the Empire's war machine required courage and daring. And many times it also required doing things he wasn't entirely comfortable with. Not morally, anyway.

Well... Not exactly.

"Hmm..." The Imperial customs agent had a face like a battle droid: Expressionless and steely. He studied the identicard, and then slowly looked up at Luke. "Marko Hamm? Here on Kuat for..." He glanced over at the woman who had put Luke's arm firmly around her waist. "His honeymoon?"

"Our honeymoon!" Chelli Aphra chirped, nuzzling Luke's neck eagerly. "We just love starships and the history... Makes for a wonderful background for... Well, you know," she said with a scandalous wink. The agent was not perturbed, though Luke certainly felt like he was about to explode. Learning how to use the Force to keep himself from blushing was just insane, but he was glad he'd learned how.

"And uh, how long will you be staying?" The agent asked flatly.

"Two weeks," Luke said with a nod... Trying not to jump when Aphra actually squeezed his butt. He gave the archaeologist a reproachful look, which she returned with a smile as warm as a sun. The agent coughed.

"Yes, well... Enjoy your honeymoon," the agent said, clearing their cards. Luke took their cards back, nodded, and moved himself and Aphra into the crowd of people at the spaceport.

"You're enjoying this way too much," Luke muttered. Aphra rolled her eyes, smiling.

"If you're not going to act like we're married, then I will," Aphra whispered back. "So smack my bottom like you mean it... _Now_."

Luke took a deep breath... And smacked Aphra's bottom. She yelped, and looked at him with a heated expression.

"Eager, aren't we?" She cooed.

 _Resist the blush, resist the blush_ , Luke thought hard. Though sadly, the rest of his blood was occupied with going to other places...

"Little too forward, but don't worry: We'll have plenty of time to get this right," Aphra murmured to Luke. "After all, practice makes perfect!"

The eager smile on her face did nothing to make him not worry...

* * *

 _Just another bit for this._


	3. Chapter 3

_The Farmboy and the Archaeologist_

 _A Star Wars story by Andrew Joshua Talon_

 _DISCLAIMER : This is a non-profit work of fan prose. Star Wars is the property of Lucasfilm Ltd and Disney. I would ask you to support the official release, but cannot in good conscience after The Last Jedi._

* * *

 _Note: These sections co-written with Rictus and Jacky2734. Set between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi._

* * *

"Oh, isn't this place just great?" Dr. Aphra chirped a little, bouncing on her tip-toes.

"Yeah...wonderful," Luke muttered, desperately trying to avoid staring at other bouncing things. At least it distracted him from the oppressing feel of this place. And the acid rain. Suffice it to say, the young Jedi was not enjoying Vjun. Why was he here again? Oh yeah, because the good doctor promised there were artifacts in some castle here that could help with his training.

What she failed to mention was the Imperial presence on the planet and that Bast Castle was Darth Vader's private abode. At least the Sith Lord wasn't home at the moment.

It had taken them three hours to make their way to the castle, darting from cover to cover as they avoided both the rain and the patrols.

"Come on, spoilsport. We're here...all alone...in Vader's castle..." Dr. Aphra shot him an impish smirk, "Getting any ideas?"

"All I'm getting are flashbacks to the Death Star," Luke deadpanned as he looked up and down a giant obsidian statue of Darth Vader. He wasn't as dense as Han suspected he was and was well aware of what the archaeologist was implying. He just had other priorities at the moment, "See anything yet?"

Aphra grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "already see what I want." Luke took that moment to decide that he was slightly more oblivious and ignored it. The woman sighed before shifting her tone, "Nothing yet, honey."

'I guess Vader isn't one for interior decorating,' Luke mused to himself as he looked at bland wall after bland wall.

The pair had been walking in silence for a while. Though she was trying to be subtle about it, he'd noticed her inching closer and closer for the past few minutes. He was about to say something until Aphra "eeped" and pitched forward. Instinctively, Luke tried to catch her before she hit the ground, though it was only after he'd done so that he realized that was her aim. Crazy as she was, he still had to fight down a blush as her left hand was firmly groping his backside and certain parts of her were pressing into his chest. Before he could try to push her off, a voice surprised both of them.

"Request: If your feeble attempts at meatbag mating rituals are quite done, would you mind coming over here?"

Two pairs of eyes blinked and darted towards the source of the noise. It was a rust-red droid, standing at a little over six and a half feet tall. It's chassis was covered in pits and burns, and it's right hand was missing a digit.

"Irritated Clarification: Yes, you two meatbags," It projected from the grill-like vocabulator, its eyes flashing with each word. Since revealing itself, the machine hadn't moved any of its limbs.

"Who are you? And why haven't you shot at us yet?" Luke asked as he scrambled out of Dr. Aphra's grip, to her irritation.

"Weary Introduction: I am HK-47. Meatbag-cyborg relations. My purpose is to terminate hostilities," The droid responded, "Frustrated Grumbling: Or it would be if my motor functions weren't disabled."

'Ah, that's why he hasn't moved,' The Jedi thought to himself, "Why are you here?"

"Explanation: My chasis was recovered and restored somewhat. Rather than put me to use, the Master of this castle, a rather rude Sith Lord by the way, was amused and decided to use me as a decoration. The nerve..." The lights in HK-47's photoreceptors seemed to blink down to Luke's belt, "Observation: Ah, a Jedi. Or at least I assume you are. Request: Would you please re-enable my motor functions? I can't stand being a museum piece any longer. Besides, it would be good to ki- I mean venture alongside one of your kind again. You have most interesting lives."

* * *

Some pleading from Dr. Aphra led to Luke reactivating the droid completely, which had rewarded them for the deed by immediately snapping the necks of two guards unlucky enough to stumble across them. While the Jedi was horrified, the archaeologist giggled. For the next two hours, they would search the castle top to bottom, with HK-47 exercising his frustration over his years of "imprisonment" upon the remaining stormtroopers.

"Alright, we've searched all over the place, and not one artifact," Luke grumbled, finally succumbing to frustration, "Only one room left."

"Blast subtlety," Dr. Aphra growled from her place next to him. With a strength he didn't know she had, the woman pulled him down to her level and snarled, "Listen up, farmboy! That's probably Vader's room. What we're going to do is this: You and I are going to go into Vader's room, get on Vader's bed, do nasty things on Vader's bed, and you are going to enjoy it! Got it?"

Luke could only nod fractionally.

As she dragged him bodily into the next room, HK-47 sighed, "Resignation: Oh Maker, not again."

* * *

"W-what?" Aphra cried out in disbelief, as she looked over the sterile room. At the center was a bacta tank, covered in advanced medical equipment. A few orb-shaped medical droids floated in lazy orbits around the tank. Luke let out a breath of relief.

"Oh thank the Force, it's just an intensive care medical ward," he said with a smile.

"B-b-but this the last room in the entire complex!" Aphra protested, trying to grasp at Luke's arm but he dodged it. She turned back to the room, practically sulking. "This has to be his room. Where are the flowing draperies, the luxurious comfort max bed, or the smooth, silken, sheets? All there is is a stupid bacta tank!:

"Come to think of it, that probably is his bed," Luke said thoughtfully. Aphra looked at Luke.

"What?" She asked.

"Think about it," Luke began, "From the stories I've been told, my father suffered grievous injuries during his fight with Obi Wan on Mustafar, to the point that he's most likely more machine than man at this point. Even with the Force, he probably requires constant medical attention simply to be able to function... It's actually kind of sad."

Aphra sighed, resting her hands on her hips with a pout.

"Yeah... I was really hoping for a bed fit for a King," she sulked.

"You'd have better luck at the Imperial Palace," Luke observed. "The Emperor probably has the largest bed in the galaxy. Heh, I've seen pictures of the guy. Can you imagine him lying on that kinda bed with a rose in his mouth and wearing nothing but fancy underwear?"

Aphra blanched.

"Aaaand suddenly my desire to ever have sex again has plummeted to nearly zero," Aphra grimaced, holding her stomach to contain her nausea. Luke breathed a sigh of relief.

Banging his sort of girlfriend in his father's mansion was not really on his agenda. The Jedi artifacts, books and other items were though, and those were safely in Aphra's pack.

It was then that the alarms began to sound loudly. Luke shrugged, and took Aphra's hand. "Well! Time to go!"

"But-But-ACK!"

* * *

Luke pulled Aphra along with him. Troopers entered the corridors, already lining up shots. Luke ignited his lightsaber, ready to fight.

A blaster rang out nearby, and several of the Troopers fell. Luke and Aphra spared a glance over at the ancient droid.

"Joyful Statement: Oh, at last! I knew a Jedi would be so much fun!" HK-47 said. Aphra whooped.

"WOO!"

"Just remember who's side you're on?" Luke asked, resigned. HK-47 nodded.

"Statement: But of course, Master. If you die, things will become far less entertaining."

They charged down the corridor, Luke deflecting blaster bolts as Aphra and HK-47 fired on many guards. The lifts were frozen, and the stairwells were blocked. That left the windows.

It was just his luck Luke had to jump out of one window an AT-AT Walker was walking under. They landed on its back, and Luke slid down the neck. He cut through into the cockpit of the walker, and threw the drivers into the back with the Force. He slid down into the driver's seat, as Aphra slid into the co-driver's.

"Any suggested targets?" Luke asked. HK-47 slid down behind them.

"Suggestion: The main power generator. Full power to the blasters, Master," HK-47 said. Luke let the Force guide him, and he ran the blasters to full power. He fired, and the shots arced into a large building. It exploded, sending numerous men running in every direction.

"Well, that worked out well," Luke said.

"We're being targeted," Aphra warned. Luke nodded.

"I know…" He reached out through the Force, and stood up. "Out the back, quickly!"

He ran through the hatch into the AT-AT's read section. He threw troopers out of the way with the Force, and flung open the rear hatch. He grabbed a speederbike, and revved it up as Aphra jumped onto the back and wrapped her arms around his waist. HK-47 hopped on as well, and Luke gunned it.

"Hang on!" He shouted. They shot through the hatch, just as missiles impacted the Walker. It exploded into a fiery cataclysm behind them. They landed roughly on the ground, bouncing off the ground. Luke managed to right them, and shot off into the acrid landscape. At last, Luke allowed himself to breath normally.

"Phew! Well, not exactly according to plan but-" He was interrupted when Aphra kissed him. "MMPH?!"

"Mwah!" Aphra laughed as she broke the kiss, and nuzzled him. "You are like... Destruction incarnate! That was so awesome!"

"W-Wait! Wait! What about the desire to have sex plummeting to zero-?!" Luke attempted, but Aphra grinned brightly back.

"YOU BROUGHT IT RIGHT BACK TO LIFE, MASTER JEDI~!"

"Warning: Please focus on driving, Master, and not mating!" HK-47 warned them, just before the Force did. Luke swerved, and narrowly avoided one of the rocky spires jutting into the sky. Luke took a deep breath again, and glared at Aphra.

"Time and place, Chelli!"

"Aw, you're no fun," Aphra pouted. She did succeed in keeping her hands to herself the rest of the way to her ship.

… Mostly.


	4. Chapter 4

_The Farmboy and the Archaeologist_

 _A Star Wars story by Andrew Joshua Talon_

 _DISCLAIMER : This is a non-profit work of fan prose. Star Wars is the property of Lucasfilm Ltd and Disney. I would ask you to support the official release, but cannot in good conscience after The Last Jedi._

* * *

 _Note: These sections written by me. Set between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi._

* * *

The return to the Rebel Fleet had been mercifully short. And Luke had figured out how to keep away from Aphra almost the entire journey. HK-47 had been indispensable on that front: She'd let her love of ancient death weapons override her lust, at least for now.

Of course, after giving the report to the Alliance Command and sorting out a few other things, he was now sitting in his bunk, trying to meditate. He felt a tremor in the Force, and held his arms out.

"Hey Luke catch me WHEE!"

He caught her, and heaved a long sigh. "Listen Doctor Aphra, it's been a bit of a day. You were there for it, remember? So can't I have some peace and quiet?"

"You can, when I'm not bored," Aphra said. She pouted up at him. "Besides, that's not a nice thing to say to someone trying to help you along your Jedi path."

"We didn't get anything out of the trip aside from that assassin droid," Luke stated flatly. "And you going off like a nexu in heat-!"

"Eesh Farmboy, such a prude! Then again considering the quality of women back on Tatooine, I can't blame you for being celibate," Aphra tutted. Luke tried to dump her out of his arms, but she held on determinedly. "But! But! Look, just to prove I am so much better a person than you-"

Luke snorted, but Aphra continued, undaunted.

"-that ancient assassin droid is actually a living repository of history, from the Mandalorian Wars, to the Jedi Civil War, and to the Galactic War between the Sith Empire and the Republic!" Aphra said quickly. "And he was owned by two exceptionally important Jedi! And Sith! Sometimes at the same time!"

Luke paused, unable to sense any lie in Aphra's Force aura.

"I mean, I know you barely know anything about Jedi History as it is. Don't you want to know more? Right from a being that was there for it?" Aphra asked. "So maybe you'll recognize our mission for the tremendous success it was! I mean, in most respects. That bedroom was a bit of a disappointment - Not in a way your male ego will take but definitely - !"

"Which Jedi?" Luke said quickly.

Aphra grinned. "Have you ever heard of... Revan?"

Luke stared at her. He remembered mention of the name in Ben's journal... In many of the reliefs of Bast Castle...

He stood up, dropping her (and ignoring her pout as best he could). "All right, let's go."

* * *

HK-47 was being held in a secure repair bay, as astromechs went over him. The situation didn't improve the droid's temperament any, as Luke heard as he came through the doors.

"Overt Threat: I will enjoy testing your pain receptors in as many ways as your warranty instructed not to, and beyond," HK-47 stated. "Statement: Be careful with that, you glorified wrench!"

The droid turned his head, his eyes flashing their deadly red. "Relieved Statement: At last, my master has arrived to save me."

"I'm not your master," Luke said wearily. HK-47's eyes flashed.

"Correction: You are my master. The alternative is for Doctor Aphra to be my master."

"I still can't believe you picked him over me," Aphra snorted, crossing her arms under her breasts. "I actually have assassin droids! I respect assassin droids! I love assassin droids!"

"Statement: That is among the reasons I prefer Master to you. Explanation: You are far too clingy. It is distressing. That and you have insufficient enemies for me to kill. A Jedi always has enemies requiring killing. A rebel moreso. A Jedi rebel is perfect for me." HK-47 looked at Luke. "Hopeful Request: Have you come to allow me to kill something for you, Master?"

"Not... At the moment," Luke decided.

"Resigned Statement: I see. You are one of those Jedi. Well, there is still hope in the future," HK-47 said. "How else may I serve you, Master?"

"One of your masters was a Jedi named... Revan, right?" Luke asked. HK-47's eyes lit up.

"Proud Statement: Yes Master! Revan was in fact my creator and original owner. Expansion: I served him, his wife, his companions, his allies and his descendants faithfully for many decades. Whether he was as you meatbags say 'on the Lightside' or 'on the Darkside.'"

"Then... You have a lot of stories about Sith and Jedi and the Old Republic?" Luke asked, his eagerness getting into his voice despite himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Aphra had the same excitement. It made her look pretty... A thought he immediately banished.

"Statement: I do indeed. I will happily tell you them, Master. Negotiation: I do however request I do it from outside of this repair bay, Master."

"They're making sure you're operational again," Luke pointed out. "I mean, you are, what, three thousand years old? Four thousand?"

"Statement: I prefer meatbags to repair and upgrade me. It is a personal preference, Master. Explanation: I have simply grown to associate the disgusting squishing sounds organics make with recovering from damage and growing more powerful. It is an eccentricity that you can forgive, can't you Master?"

"I... Suppose I can," Luke said. Aphra grinned.

"Don't worry! I'm full of disgusting squishy sounds!"

"Wry Observation: Yes, I noticed," HK-47 stated.

* * *

 _Hope you enjoyed this. More where this came from._


	5. Chapter 5

_The Farmboy and the Archaeologist_

 _A Star Wars story by Andrew Joshua Talon_

 _DISCLAIMER : This is a non-profit work of fan prose. Star Wars is the property of Lucasfilm Ltd and Disney. I would ask you to support the official release, but cannot in good conscience after The Last Jedi._

* * *

 _Note: These sections written by Islandhopper. Set between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi._

* * *

Doctor Aphra and Luke just returned from an archaeological adventure with an ancient Jedi holocron in hand. HK-47 had been very helpful in locating it. It took time, but Luke was finally successful in activating the aged device.

It projected the image of a distinguished-looking Mirialan in the robes of a Jedi master. He looked extremely sure of himself.

 _"Greetings and congratulations young learner upon activating the holocron of Jedi Master Fray'Zarr,"_ The holo-image spread its arms wide, _"Contained within this repository is the Master's accumulated knowledge in the field of-"_

"Yeah, yeah," interrupted Doctor Aphra, "Just get to the swishy-swishy lightsaber stuff or the part about tossing tanks around with your mind-"

"Aphraaa," Luke groaned- and did that holo-image narrow its eyes?

"What? The Jedi from this thing's time were _legendary_ ," Aphra protested. "Taking on whole armies of Sith and doing things with the Force the modern Jedi forgot a long time ago! Why else did we go through all that trouble to get _this_ one?"

Luke sighed, "I apologize for my... friend. Doctor Aphra is just very enthusiastic about history."

"Especially the violent parts!" Apha chirped happily.

"Yes. Please continue," Luke implored the holocron. Did that holo-image raise its eyebrow?

 _"As I was saying,"_ The holocron continued, _"Contained within is Jedi Master Fray'Zarr's accumulated knowledge and experience in the field of_ Mind Healing _."_

Aphra slammed a hand down.

 _"WHAT?!"_ Luke actually winced at Aphra's outburst. And much as he respected the value of such knowledge, he couldn't help but feel a little... disappointed. "We went through all that trouble-" She turns to Luke, "Do you remember the _gundarks_?"

"I remember the gundarks," Luke sighed.

Aphra turned to the holo-image, "He remembers the gundarks." Throwing her hands up in the air, "All that for the memoirs of a _head shrink_!"

" _SHRINK_!" Never had Luke ever soon a holocron's image look so _put out_. _"Young lady, I'll have you know that Master Fray'Zarr was regarded in his time as one of the preeminent minds in the field of Mind Healing. In his time Master Fray'Zarr received three commendations from Jedi Grandmaster Satele Shan (not that she ever took his advice regarding parenting) for his achievements and contributions to the healing arts!"_

The holocron's scowl deepened, as he puffed himself up in pride.

 _"And while he might not have been some saber-twirling duelists or ever pulled a Sith cruiser from out of the sky. He has on record successfully rehabilitated and brought back to the Light 14 Dark Jedi, turned 3 sith lords to the Light, and convinced a Dashade assassin to take up horticulture... all without landing a single strike!"_

Aphra shrank back a little.

 _"Now_ Doctor _Aphra, unless you want me to get into your Daddy issues in front of your would-be paramour, I suggest you Sit Down and Shut Up. This holocron's got a Jedi learner in need of learning!"_

Aphra, gobsmacked, stared at Fray'Zarr in silence. Luke couldn't help just a bit of a smile.

"I am all ears, Master Fray'Zarr," Luke said... Though at Aphra's hurt look, he did squeeze her hand comfortingly.

* * *

 _Hope you enjoyed this. More where this came from._


End file.
